Telling someone that their behaviour is a problem, that their performance is below expectations or that something needs to change is never particularly pleasant. Even the most experienced managers generally do not enjoy having these types of discussions. Yet, these conversations are an integral part of the role.

And despite that, they are often postponed.

Not because of a lack of good intentions. Not because of a lack of professionalism. But because they put us in an uncomfortable situation that many would rather avoid.

The myth of the good manager who is liked by everyone

The HR Consulting Services team believes part of the problem comes from the way many people still perceive the role of a manager. Unconsciously, some associate being a good manager with someone who maintains harmony, avoids conflict and manages to be liked by everyone. Obviously, no one wants to create unnecessary tension within their team. However, when a manager begins making decisions primarily to preserve their popularity, certain situations inevitably start to get away from them.

The HR Consulting Services team has often seen managers delay addressing an issue because they were afraid of damaging their relationship with an employee. They wanted to give the person another chance. They hoped the situation would correct itself. They waited for the right moment. Then the weeks go by. The months too. And gradually, the conversation becomes more and more difficult to have.

Problems rarely get smaller with time

When a manager avoids a conversation, they are usually hoping to make the situation easier. Unfortunately, the opposite often happens.

A behaviour that could have been corrected quickly gradually becomes a habit. A minor frustration turns into a recurring irritant. A misunderstanding about expectations eventually begins to affect performance or working relationships. Meanwhile, colleagues are watching.

They see that certain situations remain unaddressed. They notice that some behaviours are tolerated despite the impact they may have on the team. Even if they do not say it directly, they form an opinion about how the situation is being managed. And this is often when the problem stops affecting only the employee concerned. It begins to affect the entire team.

A conversation the employee may already be expecting

One thing that often surprises managers is that many employees already know there is a problem. Of course, this is not always the case. However, in many of the situations we encounter, the employee is already aware that certain expectations are not being met or that their behaviour is creating frustration. They sense the frustration. They notice certain reactions. They see changes in the team dynamic.

What they do not always understand is why no one is speaking to them clearly about it. This is also what makes some of these conversations much less difficult than anticipated. After several weeks of worrying about it, the manager sometimes discovers that the employee is ready to hear the message and even willing to help find solutions. The hardest part was not the conversation. It was deciding to have it.

Saying things with respect does not mean you lack empathy

The HR Consulting Services team believes there is sometimes confusion between empathy and avoidance. Being empathetic does not mean avoiding uncomfortable discussions. Nor does it mean allowing a situation to deteriorate in an effort to protect someone from a difficult moment.

On the contrary, true empathy often means giving someone the information they need to succeed. Sometimes that means recognizing what they are doing well, but it also means addressing gaps when they arise.

When a manager delays addressing an issue for several months, they may think they are protecting their employee. Yet, they may actually be depriving that person of an opportunity to adjust while there is still time to do so. An honest conversation held early is generally far more respectful than months of silent frustration.

Managers are not alone

The HR Consulting Services team also sees many managers who were promoted because of their technical or operational expertise. They know their field, understand the processes and have strong professional credibility. However, many have never really learned how to have difficult conversations.

They were given responsibility for a team without necessarily being given the tools to manage the human challenges that come with that responsibility. That is why many interventions are postponed. Not because the manager does not want to address the situation, but because they do not always know how to approach it.

The good news is that this is a skill that can be learned. Just like any other management skill. With preparation, practice and the right support, these conversations gradually become less intimidating.

The true role of a manager

When we talk about leadership, we often focus on engagement, motivation, recognition or talent development. All of these are important. However, there is another responsibility that is just as essential: having the conversations that need to happen when a situation calls for them. Not when it is too late. Not when frustration has reached its peak. Not when the team is already disengaged. But at the moment when an intervention can still make a difference.

Because ultimately, being a manager is not only about supporting employees when they are succeeding. It is also about supporting them when they need to improve.

Having the courage to step in

At Bedard Resources, we regularly support organizations and managers dealing with these types of situations. Very often, the difficulty is not finding the solution, but making the decision to address the problem directly.

Over the years, the HR Consulting Services team has come to believe that the best managers are not the ones who avoid difficult conversations. They are the ones who find a way to have them with respect, transparency and professionalism.

Because a difficult conversation is not necessarily a sign of failure. Very often, it is simply a sign that a manager is doing their job.

And in many cases, the conversation we have been dreading for weeks ultimately becomes the starting point for an improvement that everyone has been waiting for.

Need support with management challenges?

For more information about our HR consulting services and support for managers, contact Stéphane Pépin at spepin@bedardressources.com .